Have you ever convinced yourself that someone does not like you, and suddenly everything they do seems to prove it? Maybe they take longer than usual to respond to a text, seem quieter one day, or cancel plans. Even though there could be many explanations for their behavior, your mind immediately connects it back to what you already believe: They don’t like me.  

This is an example of confirmation bias, a common psychological tendency that can influence the way we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us. We all experience confirmation bias, and most of the time, we do not even realize it is happening.  

What Is Confirmation Bias? 

Once we form a belief about something, we naturally start noticing things that support it. 

For example, someone who believes they are bad at public speaking. After giving a presentation, they might spend the rest of the day thinking about the one sentence they stumbled over. They might barely think about the rest of the presentation going well or the person who told them they did a good job afterward. 

That one mistake stands out because it matches what they already believe about themselves. 

Confirmation bias can affect what information we look for, what we pay attention to, and what we remember. Over time, this can make a belief feel more true, even when there is evidence that tells a different story. 

Why Does Confirmation Bias Happen? 

Our brains are constantly processing information. We don’t have the time or mental energy to carefully analyze everything we see, hear, or experience, so our brains use mental shortcuts to make sense of things quickly. 

Usually, these shortcuts are helpful. The problem is that they can also affect the way we interpret situations without us realizing it. It is easier for our brains to process information that fits with something we already believe. Information that challenges a belief requires us to stop and reconsider what we thought was true. 

There can also be an emotional part of confirmation bias. Being wrong about something that matters to us can be uncomfortable. We like to feel confident in our decisions and beliefs, so we may naturally be more drawn to information that supports them. 

This can become even stronger when the belief feels personal or important to us. 

How Confirmation Bias Shows Up in Everyday Life 

In relationships: 

If you already believe that a friend or partner is losing interest in you, you might start paying more attention to the moments when they seem distant. A short text or canceled plan might feel like proof, while the times they reach out first, make plans, or show that they care are easier to overlook. 

With self-esteem: 

The beliefs we have about ourselves can also influence what stands out to us. Someone who thinks they are awkward might replay one uncomfortable conversation in their head while barely thinking about all the conversations that went well. Someone who believes they are not good enough may hold onto criticism while quickly brushing off a compliment. 

At school or work: 

If someone already believes they are not smart enough, one bad grade or mistake can feel like proof. At the same time, they might explain away their successes as luck or tell themselves that they “just got an easy assignment.” 

With first impressions: 

The first impression we have of someone can affect how we see their behavior afterward. If we decide that someone is unfriendly after meeting them once, we might notice every time they are quiet or distant. When that same person is friendly or helpful, those moments may not stand out as much because they do not fit our original impression. 

Our expectations can even affect the way we act around other people. If we expect someone to be unfriendly, we may become closed off around them. They might respond by becoming more distant themselves, making our original belief seem even more accurate. 

How Can We Challenge Confirmation Bias? 

Since confirmation bias often happens without us realizing it, becoming aware of it is an important first step. When you feel certain about a thought or assumption, take a moment to think about how you got there. 

• Try asking yourself: 

• What evidence supports what I am thinking? 

• Is there any evidence that goes against it? 

• Could there be another explanation? 

• Am I focusing more on the information that matches what I already believe? 

• What would I tell a friend if they were in this situation? 

It can also help to actively look for information that challenges your first assumption. If you are convinced that you did terribly on a presentation, for example, think about the parts that went well too. If you believe a friend is upset with you because they sent a short text, consider what else could explain their response before assuming you know what it means. 

Challenging confirmation bias is not about assuming that every thought you have is wrong. It is about giving yourself the chance to look at the whole situation instead of only the parts that support what you already believe. 

Becoming More Aware of Our Thinking 

Confirmation bias is a normal part of how our brains process information, and we may not always notice when it is influencing us. Becoming more aware of our thought patterns can help us slow down, question our assumptions, and consider perspectives we have overlooked. 

Therapy can also help us recognize patterns in the way we think about ourselves and our experiences. Learning to question the beliefs we automatically accept as true can help us develop a more balanced view of ourselves, our relationships, and the situations around us.